Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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