I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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