I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I color on your dick again?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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