how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
