Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
