I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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