she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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