Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
