I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
