Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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