Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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