So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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