Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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