Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
