First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
