i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
