Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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