Your dad touched me again.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
