we were pretty classy up until the second keg
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
