i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
