Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
