I puked a lego.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
NoShamevember. You game?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
