Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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