I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
