hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
