After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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