How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
