I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
