Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
