Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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