No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
