He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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