so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
