so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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