Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
