so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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