I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
