Say something about gay babies.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
