Where is the hickey?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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