wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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