i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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