she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
