By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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