Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I supernannyed him into submission
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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