with your own penis?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
