this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
