I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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