I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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