Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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