out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
