If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
