First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
