So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
