i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
