just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
