I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
