oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
