Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
