I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
