I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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